Desiring Desire

The man’s desire is for the woman

but the woman’s desire is rarely

other than for the desire of the man.

  —Samuel Taylor Coleridge


Coleridge nailed it, and it’s doubtful it’s rooted in nature; that would run counter to evolution. A female’s investment in reproduction demands a desire for males who contribute to a worthwhile outcome; thus, in many species it is the male who dances, displays, desires the desire of the female. This leaves us with the logical conclusion that we women have been trained to want man’s desire, even to the point of ignoring our own. Ignoring our very bodies. The clitoris was “discovered” in the sixteenth century, some say earlier, but that knowledge was buried—over and over and over. When it could no longer be kept underground, Freud came up with that silliness about vaginal orgasms being the only good orgasms. (Good Lord.) Unfortunately, women ignored their bodies and believed his nonsense—until some adventurous souls spoke up, such as Anne Koedt who published “The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm” in 1970. Finally women (at least in the United States) could recognize the fact that they should listen to what their bodies had to say rather than the fantasies of guys, even those of the allegedly scientific ones.

Today it’s assumed women do have sexual desire that isn’t defined by males. Young women and girls will declare they damned well know they have desire. They get, not just give, in the sexual arena. Really? Do they? One wonders about girls giving blow jobs when they don’t get anything in return. Crouching around with a guy’s dick in your mouth, as well as one of his bodily fluids isn’t necessarily about reciprocity, nor is it an inborn instinct for Chrissake. It can be nothing more than weenie worship. “Hallelujah! If I suck, the god will smile on me.”

Women can be such fools when it comes to men, the number who’ve ruined themselves over men must be in the billions. Why? Because the guys are so hot, so great in the sack? Not necessarily true. Women stay with men who are abusive in the sack. Women stay with men who are abusive in all ways. How about women who stay with men who refuse to have sex with them, ergo, live sexless lives, hanging in, desiring his desire which never comes. And there are those women, including young ones, who are shut down when it comes to sex, would be happy if it didn’t exist. If you doubt this, talk with some therapists.

We women like to think we’ve been liberated in all ways, including satisfying the urge that is a major part of human existence but we haven’t gotten past Coleridge’s statement. We’re still operating with desiring being desired. But—in keeping with our new advanced status we act as if we have our own. We continue to be fools, fooling ourselves.

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